she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
