I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
