I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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