I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
