Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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