then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize