the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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