My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
