Princesses don't give blow jobs
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
