im drinking this country out of the recession.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
