I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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