Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize