If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
