you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
