i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
