My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
