do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
