I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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