either way he was missing a nipple.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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