So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
