Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
