I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
