I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
