dude i'm inner monologue high
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
