I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
