So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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