ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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