forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
