Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
