No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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