Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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