There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
