I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
