I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You pole danced in your parka.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
