I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize