I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
