Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
