I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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