im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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