these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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