Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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