Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
