I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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