How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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