If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
