it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
