I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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