puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
