i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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