So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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