What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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