Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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