i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize