an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
