if you like me you must not know who I am
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
