I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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