she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
