Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
