just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
