Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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