Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Where is the hickey?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
