so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
